It's been said that the first time the ball dropped in Times Square was in 1907, while the tradition of setting New Year's resolutions dates all the way back to the Babylonians. As this year starts to dwindle down, I take a step back to reflect on what 2009 has brought me. Resolutions made and unkept. Resolutions intended for the 2010.
This year has been a trying year for me, to say the least. From family feuds, to make-ups, to learning to let go, to moving, to finally being selfish. It seems that every year, by the end of the year, so many of us exclaim "I can't wait for 2000-whatever!" Why is it that so many of us only think to make resolutions just because a new year is beginning? Why is that we don't wake up every morning, and immediately make a change? Why do so many of us take our business practices and apply them to our every day life? All too often we live by deadlines, and the habit of procrastinating our growth as we reach them.
I had high hopes for 2009, as the end of 2008 came to a close. I had found new inspiration in my life that challenged me to think deeper, to communicate more, to let people in. I had started focusing on what I was really feeling and what I was trying so hard to escape from. In some odd sense, this inspiration had almost become a hero to me. A hero to a lost soul. Lost in a world, consumed so deeply in everyone else. Brought to surface with conversation, insight, and understanding.
But 2009 didn't start off great for me. In fact, it was heartbreaking on a level that I never thought possible. My family had the biggest divide in our history, at least a divide that had actually mattered to me. I had never felt so alone, betrayed, and just fed up. Fed up with the human race as it stands. Had the good in people really gone away? Have people lived a life of bullshit for so long, that its all we know anymore? I didn't speak to my family for almost 4 1/2 months, and I had no idea the challenge of growth I was about to embark on. I had looked around, and saw the people that were standing so close and had realized that its possible that family isn't just made up of people you share DNA with. Its comprised of a group of people that love each other. Love each other to the core, a sometimes imperfect core. People that listen, support, and encourage. People that I will hold close to my heart till the day I die.
2009 sped its way along. I lost my full time job to layoffs in February due to the economy, but luckily fell into a much better position for a boss that has done more for me than even he probably knows. A love that I had thought was over came back and still ran through my veins, and pulled at my heartstrings. Plans were made, details unkept. I had realized the unhappiness in my heart far beyond broken relationships. Made the selfish decision to move, to better me. As 2009 came to a close, even in its last days, I started to think how ridiculously terrible this year has been for me. Pity party table of one. But ironically as I started writing this blog, I had realized that maybe this year has been a blessing. I had fallen deeper in love with my friends, I was blessed with meeting and growing close to new people, I had rediscovered my dreams and held them at the importance that I should. Maybe my resolution for 2009 just came a little late.
A new year sparks new hope. New life. A new start. Some people decide to quit smoking. Most go on some ridiculous diet that usually fails in the second month. The tradition of setting a resolution has lost its potency. People fall victim to comfort, and lose the drive for continuous growth. Why wait for the end of a year, to make a promise to yourself for the success of the next? As the promise of a new year fell upon me, I had decided that there would be no place better than the place my dreams lie...New York City. And there would be no resolution better than the resolution to never stop growing, to never forget myself, to always go where my dreams lie.
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