Dear Cancer...Good Luck.

I've debated on whether or not I was actually going to post this for quite some time, based on the single fact that she is just as private as I am. But with time, I have decided that its too bad. I love her. And she needs to hear this.

 

I often look at my life, the struggles that I have been through, the ones I have had to fight my way through. Often times I reflect on where I had the strength to do it. The strength to overcome obstacles with such perseverance. The determination to not allow so many things from crippling me. I look back and realize that so much of my strength comes from a 5'4 stubborn little mule. And to her I need to say thank you.

 

In January, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. A mean little bastard. An unloved, un-welcomed disease. Since the day we heard the news, I have been at a constant internal struggle with the decision to go back, even though she begs me not to. She says chasing my own dreams are more important to her. I realize that me being there won't cure cancer. I realize that I can't even take her pain away (I CAN however shove pain meds down her throat). But there is something about our bond that makes me feel like I CAN fix her, even if its just fixing her soul.

 

Maybe it stems back to the accident when she was pregnant with me. Maybe it stems back to all my childhood days at Shriners Hospital. Maybe it stems back to the first time I moved away from her. Or the struggles through high school. Or the realization of a parallel universe over coffee, after leaving the courthouse. Through every battle I have encountered, she has been there. By my side. Every time.

 

Regardless of what it is, we are glue. Not a mother daughter, friend to friend, family to family glue. A glue of something so much deeper.

 

I sit now and watch her, listen to her, and feel her go through one hell of a fight. I want to tell her that I love her. That I am proud of her. That no matter how bad of a day it is, I'm here with her, even when I am 500 miles away. I'm here with her the ways that she has been with me all these years. She's an inspiration to me. A fighter. A hero. A role model.

 

Cancer affects families on regular basis. People fight. They win. They lose. Cancer attacks the soul and the spirit as much as it attacks the physical body. I want to tell her that I got this. Concentrate on the physical Momma…I got your spirit. Wrapped up in my hands, guarded by my heart. I want to tell her that even on her weakest days, the days she hates this hand, the days she has a hard time telling cancer to f*&% off….I will. We are a team. I will laugh in its face as you beat this, even on the days you can't.

 

 

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~Dr. Seuss

 

Sometimes, its just about listening to the right doctor.

 

I love you mom.